Seasonal Depression

It's that time of year again! Crunchy autumn leaves, snow, turkey and mashed potatoes, Christmas lights, hot chocolate, and family fun. But for some of us, especially up here in the northern latitudes, autumn and winter also bring negative mood changes. Seasonal depression, or Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), is a response to lower levels of sunlight. Typical symptoms include oversleeping, daytime fatigue, weight gain, carbohydrate craving, hopelessness, loss of interest in fun activities, increased crying, and decreased socialization. 

If you think you might suffer from SAD, there are a few things you might want to try...

1. Invest in a light box. They're different from regular lights because they mimic natural sunlight. Sit by your light box for 30 minutes every morning. Lots of people say it helps, and studies show that it's generally more effective than antidepressants for treating SAD. 

2. Exercise! It's easy to be active when it's warm and sunny, but winter often finds us stuck indoors and glued to the couch. Exercise is great for your brain and promotes happiness. So try going to the gym, braving the elements to go for your daily run, or taking up winter sports. 

3. Find new indoor hobbies. Keep yourself busy with something interesting. Something to learn, to accomplish, and to look forward to. 

4. Find people to serve. Participate in a gift donation program. Or maybe spend some time at a soup kitchen. Be creative with your service. Giving to others helps to maintain a focus outside of yourself - and with any kind of depression, external focus is often much better than too much internal focus. 

5. Spend time being thankful. It's trendy to do the "30 days of thankfulness" in November. But it's also really great for your brain and spirit. And you should probably keep it up until the end of winter at least! Take a few minutes at the end of each day to write down a few things that you're thankful for. It will really change your thinking.

Quick Method to Reduce Anxiety

Anxiety is one of those things that affects more people than most of us probably realize. The fact is, it's a pretty huge problem in the United States - and for a number of reasons. So please don't think you're weird or unusual if you suffer from some form of anxiety. On the other hand, although anxiety has become a bit of a norm for us, it doesn't have to be that way. Making even little changes can really help. 

Since so many factors can be involved in creating anxiety, there really isn't a perfect "magic" cure-all. A few things to consider are diet, exercise, and automatic thoughts (like what you believe about yourself/others/God and how you anticipate the future). The tip that I want to share with you today, though, is about managing your external environment. 

It's pretty simple, really. If your external environment is chaotic, your internal environment will feel that way too. Internal chaos will contribute to anxiety. What does that mean for you? Well, first take a look around your home/office/places where you spend lots of time. Are they disorganized, dirty, and/or filled with lots of extra "stuff" that you don't need? Start by simplifying. Get rid of unnecessary junk and organize whatever is left. Create a plan to do it in small chunks so that you don't feel overwhelmed by the process. Then if you don't already have it, try adding decor that feels comfortable, soothing, and "homey." Finally, make a plan to maintain your peaceful space. If you're working on your home environment, maybe that means making a schedule for cleaning, purging "stuff," and eliminating clutter regularly. If you have kids, maybe that means teaching them to put their toys away when they're done playing. Enlist them in the cleaning schedule, too. 

You probably won't be perfect at maintaining your space, by the way, so don't give yourself permission to think you're a failure and stop trying. Every little bit helps!

Simple trick to reduce parenting chaos

This might be one of the simplest (and most overlooked) parenting tricks in the book. But it packs a real punch, for sure! If you're not already doing it, give it a try and see what happens. What am I talking about? 

A routine and schedule. Yep. Kids thrive on it, especially when they are little. They like to know what to expect and when to expect it. Routines give them a sense of safety and security. Think about it. If you were a little person, not yet able to meet your own needs and just learning how to communicate effectively, wouldn't it put your mind at ease to know that your needs will always be met consistently? If you get a snack right after your nap, at 2:30, on some days and then have to wait longer on other days, you might become a little irritable or even go into full meltdown mode...you are hungry and don't know when, or even if, your food is coming! 

Parents have most of the control when kids are little. Parents decide when to eat. Parents decide when to nap. They decide when to take a bath and when to go to bed. If there is a routine, though, kids feel less like they are being controlled (and that becomes SO important for many toddlers). The "argue with mom/fight with dad" circuits are bypassed because the routine creates an autopilot for the child's brain. You might even find that your child is reminding YOU that it's time to pick up toys before bed if that's part of the routine. 

Kids keep pushing your buttons?

If you're a parent, you probably know that kids are masters at finding your buttons - you know, the ones that make your blood pressure rise, face turn colors, eyes bug out, and vocal decibels increase exponentially. I call them "crazy buttons" because they have the capability of making perfectly sane parents feel crazy and seem...well...a lot less in control of themselves than they would probably like to be. 

Kids love pushing crazy buttons. Some a lot more than others. If you've got one who's especially adept at it, I feel for you. It can make life seem really rough sometimes. The good news is that there are ways to make the situation better! The first step to problem solving is understanding, so let's try looking at the crazy button phenomenon from a kid's perspective for a moment.

Watching Mom fall off her rocker and Dad fly off the handle is fun. I mean, it's seriously entertaining to some kids. Who knew that Mom and Dad could contort their faces and change their voices in those ways? If we push the button again, will the same thing happen?

Kids have an innate need to feel in control. Those crazy buttons have a huge pay-off. Controlling Mom and Dad's emotions and behavior on a grand scale can be such a thrill! Feeling powerless? Push crazy button for short-cut to power recharge. Easy as pie!

Kids require attention. They need to feel connected to Mom and Dad, but sometimes connection is hard to come by. Let's face it - life is busy. In the midst of parents going to work, cleaning the house, maintaining the yard, spending time with friends, attending siblings' extra-curricular functions, etc., sometimes kids feel disconnected and insignificant. It's tough to communicate that to Mom and Dad. But there's one thing that is sure to not be ignored...the crazy button! Push that, and Mom's head will turn. You'll have Dad's undivided attention. No doubt about it. Sure, it's not the ideal positive connection. But at least it's something, and there's always more where that came from!

Ok, that's just a glimpse into what your kid may be thinking when he pushes your crazy buttons repeatedly. Now I'll give you a few suggestions to make it stop. 

First, try really hard not to make such a fantastic reactive display. If you remain calm on the outside (even if you are beginning to feel crazy on the inside), your kids will be less likely to push that particular button again. It's just not fun, and the element of control is gone. So set your behavior limits and follow through consistently with consequences, but leave the external emotional reaction out of the equation. I know that's really hard to do sometimes. If you need help unpacking intense emotional responses to crazy buttons, ask for help from a counselor! It's really a common problem and usually pretty easily fixed. 

Second, allow your kids to have a little more control. They'll be less likely to seek control in destructive ways if you're freely offering it to them in other areas of life. This can be a simple task. "Do you want to wear the blue dress or the red dress today?" "Would you like to have cheerios or oatmeal for breakfast?" Little decisions go a long way to make little people feel powerful. 

Third, spend quality time with your kids. Have one-on-one time with each kid individually, if possible. It doesn't really have to be a huge block of time. The connection is the most important thing. During your quality time, do something fun that your kid wants to do. Focus on her. Notice and comment on what she's doing and how she's feeling. Keep it positive. Make regular one-on-one time a priority in your schedule. Sometimes when kids go through periods of transition or stress, the need for connection increases. So if you find that the crazy button seems to be getting more use, you might try adding a little shot of extra quality time.

Why Professional Counseling is Good for Everyone

I have a real passion for counseling. That was true when I finished my graduate training, and it has become even more true throughout the years, as I've journeyed with clients into spaces of inner peace, healing, and wholeness. My work is SUCH a privilege and joy! I may be biased, but I think everyone could benefit from spending some time with a good professional counselor. Here are a few reasons why --

1. A truly safe place to talk. Professional counselors abide by confidentiality rules that are clearly laid out for you in the beginning. We take confidentiality very seriously. We’re also not judging you as you tell your story. Really. You can say anything, and we won’t be surprised or offended or value you any differently. Why is it important to have a safe place to talk? Growth really only happens when you’re honest. And the more honest you are, the better it is!

2. Relationship where the other person is actually trained to listen. Maybe that sounds weird, but I bet the majority of people easily go through most days without anyone really listening to them. The kind of listening where the other person puts away everything to concentrate on understanding who you are and what you’re saying. It’s the kind of reflective listening that even helps you understand yourself better. I like to imagine it’s what Jesus would do – the sweetness of being fully known and embraced is truly a gift from God!

3. Understand your brain. Professional counselors are educated about how the brain works (some more than others, so ask if it isn’t clear). That’s important because your brain is so vital in controlling your experience. The more you understand it, the more you can help it change.

4. Experience and learn tools for healing and change. Sometimes psychology gets a bad rap in Christian circles, and I totally understand why. The foundation of humanistic psychology is at odds with Christianity. But let’s be careful not to throw the baby out with the bath water! Broadly speaking, psychology is the science of the mind, including mental states and processes. God created our minds, and he made them intricate and beautiful. The closer look that psychology gives us can be informative and healing. Add spiritual understanding and tools into the mix, and you’ve got a really powerful ministry for whole-person healing (more on that in future posts!)

5. Someone objective, dedicated and trained to help you examine your life. The objective stance that professional counselors take is invaluable. We’re not biased when we hear your story, and that makes it easy for us to see and point things out from a different perspective. We’re also really good at seeing patterns and underlying issues in your life – stuff that you may not be aware of.

6. Strengthen your connection with God. Ok, so this one may not always happen. But if you choose a good professional Christian counselor, it will! We pay attention to your mind and spirit together. Often there are things in your life that, once addressed, will allow you to draw nearer to God. It’s about turning the lights on so that Jesus can shine in all the corners of your being.

7. Learn social/communication/coping skills from someone trained to teach them. Everyone can benefit from this one. You don’t know what you don’t know. Professional counselors are prepared to meet you where you are and teach you how to change.

8. Time out for reflection. People are busy, and counseling can be a great time to stop and breathe for an hour. Especially if you meet with a Christian counselor, that time can turn into a sacred space to hear from the Holy Spirit as well.

9. Referrals to other professionals if you need them. Professional counselors are usually networked with other professionals (doctors, chiropractors, nutritionists, etc.). We are committed to giving you the best care, so we gladly refer you when we see that it might be helpful.